The ethical province that couldn't

Once upon a time during the Alberta Advantage when the petrosexuals roamed the land freely sticking their drills into wells without protection and residential schools dotted the pastures where the First Nation play the oil companies were happy, and ethical, and enjoyed a symbiosis with their native consumerist populations.

But that was before the dark times, before the ecopire. Unbeknownst to the innocent oil companies an evil dark power was rising. The oil companies called this dark power "Environmentalism" for it seemed to revolve around a deity they were not familiar with named ambiguously "The Environment".

Before they could realize what was happening, new unholy regulations were popping up separating the oil companies and their ethical touch from the land their exploits depended on! Every facet of the free consumerist democracy was being weaponized, even Her Majesty's Ethical Court System was being used. Can you believe it?

Meanwhile in lands far away not interested in ethicalness these same oil companies enjoyed an unhindered life of luxury, soaking in all that glorious non-ethical goodness. It's not like they could change it, after all, the G(old)O(il)D(rugs) of The Markets had proclaimed from the highest mountain in the deepest valley of the largest mall that they must pursue all market opportunities for their shareholders and maximize return. Who are they to question the word of GOD? hence forth that was exactly what they did.

The oil companies that did not have the capital to move to less ethical jurisdictions wished and lobbied, and lobbied and wished, but still they could not match the pocket change of the dark forces opposing them at home via completely legal, but obviously quite ethically challenged, means.

As a result the great non-ethical oil producers rose to takeover the world and invest in places like Canada which because we're a little bitch to market pressures we just take the funny money and smile and nod, or something like that. I dunno I'm bored with this story, here you can listen to this story yourself told by Mark Milke, the Executive Director of Googling at the Canadian Propaganda Centre (personally, I think I tell it better). Just skip the first 6 minutes if you don't want to hear Danielle yapping about everything under the sun.

IF YOU LISTEN TO ONE THING TODAY, MAKE IT THIS! Canadian Energy Centre Executive Director of Research Mark Milke talks to @ABDanielleSmith about the shift to tyrannical states producing more and more of the oil and gas the world needs. https://t.co/Ndzo0yCGWo

— Canadian Energy Centre (@CDNEnergyCentre) May 25, 2020

(SPOILER ALERT: DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE THING YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO)

Yes, folks, the Canadian Propaganda Centre is still at it! Apparently a supposed temporary 90% slashing of it's budget doesn't slow these keyboard warriors down. In fact there has been no discernible change in their content at all which leads me to believe that either the budget cut wasn't real or they never really needed that other 90% in the first place. Do you know of any other operation that can take a 90% hit to it's budget and carry on like nothing has happened?

To Danielle Smith's credit she asks a good number of counter-point questions, enough so that he falls all over his non-answers especially when it comes to Saudi Arabia's recent investment in Alberta's oilsands. So let's rip this motherfucker apart shall we?

First of all, gotta love the introduction. "he's with the Canadian Energy Centre which is the government centre for trying to get positive fact based information out on our oilsands". The title just keeps getting longer eh? From the simple self descriptive "war room" to now the "centre for trying to get positive fact based information out on our oilsands". Doesn't quite have the same ring as "WAR ROOM" does it? But alas, yes, this is what we have dear taxpayers the 1984 equivalent of the 'Zoolander Centre for kids who can't read good'.

Though in our case instead of a centre for ants, we have a centre for peasants as Mark Milke will happily tell you as he points out in describing their first "research brief" regarding First Nations in the interview: "the point of that was very simply to say to the rest of the country 'if oil & gas goes away then here are the people first and foremost you are going to hurt'.".

Notice how he says "you"? You fucking asshole! how dare you hurt these people by not supporting the oil & gas industry! Dont you know it's the only jobs made available to them?

Huh. But but but but, I thought this War Room, err sorry, 'Centre for Industries Who Can't Communicate Good' was targeted at foreign funded eco-terrorist worshipers of the deity Environment? Now it's to tell "the country", why? Is the country investing in them? I thought social license was a myth?

Of course, yes, that is exactly the point of this thing as I've been discussing on my blog over the last few months regarding it. This ridiculous propaganda centre was never equipped, nor intended to take on our international foes or even the domestic ones, no it's purpose is to publish justifications for public investment and comfort the frustrated petrosexuals angry at the world for having cheaper to produce oil  than we do.

I WANT YOU TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM DESPOTIC REGIMES HELL BENT ON DESTROYING ALL ETHICAL OILS FROM THE MARKET AND IGNORE ANY PESKY "INFORMATION" THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU THINK IT'S A "BAD INVESTMENT" AND NOT A GOOD USE OF "PUBLIC DOLLARS"!

As I wrote back when the Russians initiated the next phase of the oil war against the United States: Kenney's agenda effectively fell apart then as he now had a real price war that instantly made the "foreign funded" Krause conspiracy irrelevant. Kenney now seems to have double downed on the old ethical oil argument as a rallying cry and supposed position in the war, with the propaganda centre saying some outright ridiculous things lately like

Unless we can get our natural gas to market, our friends in Europe and Asia will be forced to rely on autocracies and dictatorships to ensure their citizens can do simple things like heat their homes. To see our Tyranny Index for oil and gas, click here: https://t.co/cTyo8j2K9t pic.twitter.com/2eBYDgkPsT

— Canadian Energy Centre (@CDNEnergyCentre) May 23, 2020

Yea, ok, sure Jan.

Speaking of Asia, which friends are they referring to exactly? Is it our friends like the Communist Chinese Party that have major stakes in our oil production? But according to other UCP reps like recent overpaid import Blaise Boehmer (lol, can you imagine walking around having that as your name?) they're not our friends at all:

Wow, local paper sides with the Chinese Communist Party over the Premier of Alberta, pleased to see them “put him in his place.” I have seen it all #ableg https://t.co/ONJnXlmAGs

— Blaise Boehmer (@boehmerB) May 23, 2020

As anyone involved in good storyboarding will tell you it's not easy writing consistent fiction. Building a whole world with backstory and lore and consistency and logic takes time, and that time is clearly lacking with the UCP's latest narrative and angle in their fake offensive as an irrelevant player in the global oil price war.

This inconsistency was shown even further when China slapped Kenney around a bit regarding his comments on China and COVID-19. Yes, Kenney is pissing off China - one of the few countries sticking with our nonviable resource - but they're also our friends. They're our friendemies.

The true irony in Mark Milke's interview is that as he goes on to say how we have to promote our freedumb oil to defeat the market takeover of the evil autocracies he goes on to talk about how shitty it is living in a democracy. The opposition is a part of that freedom he apparently admires. And oh how the UCP and their "arms-length" propaganda centre admire that cherished democracy:

Alberta minister says it’s a ‘great time’ to build a pipeline because COVID-19 restrictions limit protests against them https://t.co/TQlf3ZYEAF pic.twitter.com/y4tpZHBnSU

— The Globe and Mail (@globeandmail) May 25, 2020

I'm sorry to have to break it to the Albertan petrosexual community but you can't both love despotic autocratic dictator money, and hate it at the same time. It just doesn't work like that. You look pretty stupid, frankly. Even the Krause conspiracy made more sense and had more consistency. There really is no low to the stories Albertans will believe to justify continued oil production thinking that one day somehow the good ole days of the Alberta Advantage will return as each justification used goes out the window.

Jobs? Well.. erm, not really anymore right? That's why they started whining.
Profitability? Well, erm, not really now either. That's why they want bailouts and well cleanup.
Environmental record? We suspended that.
Now we need to fund them and keep them around and put up with their constant whining to save the world from autocratic dictators.

Because as we all know those dictators certainly don't have power now because the US has either allied and armed them, or systemically went around installing them as puppets in all the oil producing countries, right?

Right. So say it with me...

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Richard Fantin is a self-taught software developer who has mostly throughout his career focused on financial applications and high frequency trading. He currently works for CenturyLink

Nazayh Zanidean is a Project Coordinator for a mid-sized construction contractor in Calgary, Alberta. He enjoys writing as a hobby on topics that include foreign policy, international human rights, security and systemic media bias.